As you get older it seems like maintaining intimate relationships gets harder and harder. No matter whether it is a dear friend, a lover or a spouse, the act of moving on can be one of the most trying endeavors any human being can attempt. Not to mention who gets custody of the couple’s beloved MaltiPoo puppy. Perhaps this is why music is so chock full of great songs to play when you are moving on from that lying, cheating, good for nothing individual.
Filled with pointed barbs and clever hooks, these songs can not only help heal emotional wounds but they are also lots of fun to listen to. Usually in cases of a harsh break up these kinds of songs are listened to over and over again. There is nothing wrong with that as music so often serves to liberate people from the oppression of all the negative feelings they tend to hang onto with the veracity of hungry Olsen Twin fighting over the last McDonald’s Happy Meal. Oh wait, those two are grown up now right? It’s hard to tell when you are so skinny they won’t let you shop in the young adolescent section at Macy’s
But you know which feelings I am talking about. The ones that cause you to curse out the employee at Starbucks who got your coffee order wrong and you were banned for life from that location. Luckily there was another one 30 feet away. Sometimes I hear they space out Starbucks locations from each other as far as one whole city block. Could you imagine? Maybe in the third world.
So to save the innocent from being harmed, why not listen to a selection from this list if you are going through a painful breakup and don’t want to cause collateral emotional damage? These songs allow you to be angry, sad and liberated all within the space of one catchy chorus. Are you tired of that lazy ex-boyfriend who can’t seem to get it together to pick up the last of his stuff? Well if you plan on burning it and smashing anything breakable I recommend anything from the Kelly Clarkson oeuvre.
Are you tired of your crazy ex-girlfriend leaving you psychotic messages? Why not grace her answering machine with Tom Petty’s “Don’t Come Around Here No More?” Or have you finally had enough of the never ending narrow mindedness and stupidity of your back stabbing ex-BFF? Then might I recommend, er, let’s just say it’s by Lilly Allen and our censors are still working out how to handle the title so I will get to that one in a moment. Until then crank the volume on your home audio Harman Kardon Aura speakers or elevate the volume knob in your Maserati’s Bowers & Wilkins premium in-car system. Or the tape deck in your Pinto, whatever applies to you.
So What?—(Pink) : Inspired by Pink’s own momentary breakup with husband Carey Hart (they are still together as of this writing and have a two year old daughter), this is one of the greatest pop rock-outs in recent memory. It embodies all that is truly magical about this type of song—it allows you to feel angry and good about yourself all at the same time. You still are a rock star, you’ve got your rock moves and you DON’T need anyone else tonight.
Happy Pills—(Norah Jones) : What? Am I kidding putting a Norah Jones song here? She is far too mellow for this type of song isn’t she? Well in the video she does kill her husband, put him in the trunk of a car and then pushed said car into a lake. So I think she didn’t care much for him. Also the lyrics come out all the more bitter since they aren’t screamed.
The Best and the Worst–(Leona Lewis) : Have you ever known you were lowering yourself to a level beneath you just to be with someone who probably would not even deny they enjoy being a toxic element in your life. It’s hard to understand these people and their motivations but the hurts from these relationships can shake your own self confidence because it is you yourself who are allowing yourself to be abused by this person. But always remember, even if everyone in your life believes someone else’s lies about you, remember that what others think of you is none of your business. Your business is to figure out who you really are and make sure that is the best you can be. That is life at its best and worst. This song was written by Leona Lewis (recently dumped by Simon Cowell, you are better off girl!) and the legendary Dianne Warren.
You Don’t Know What Love Is (You Just Do As You Are Told)—(The White Stripes) : I think the title explains the sentiment perfectly. For that super-judgmental yet intellectually stunted person in your life. “Just a child ten might act, but you are far too old/You are not hopeless or helpless and I hope I don’t sound cold/But you don’t know what love is, you just do as you are told.”
Since U Been Gone—(Kelly Clarkson) : This song is undeniably infectious just like the only thing your good for nothing ex left behind. Thankfully this Kelly Clarkson gem won’t disappear like your ex’s parting gift did after a round of antibiotics from your doctor.
Don’t Come Around Here No More—(Tom Petty) : Seriously, go away. Are you deaf? I think he’s talking to you Stevie Nicks.
Untouchable Face—(Ani DiFranco) : With a chorus that is essentially a curse word repeated over and over again, this song could have come across as bitter in any other songwriter’s hands. But Ani DiFranco’s tender delivery adds a layer of sadness to the anger. A true treasure for the heartbroken.
The More Boys I Meet—(Carrie Underwood) : Carrie Underwood is a tremendous talent with a wickedly dark sense of humor if her song lyrics are anything to go by. Sometimes she sings about faith and love then on the next track she sings about not waking her alcoholic father during a Tornado to get “sweet revenge.” Truly America’s sweetheart. Underwood sings in this particular country hit listed here that “the more boys I meet/the more I love my dog.” Especially seeing as she once dated Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo this is a totally understandable statement.
Take A Bow—(Rihanna): Been lied to? Stolen from? Cheated on? I won’t say beaten up now because I know Ri Ri is no longer with Chris Brown and according to many who know her including her five older brothers, she is a girl fully capable of taking care of herself. Not that this makes it right but it does give her the credibility to pull of the tone of this song which is both mocking of her ex and in no way sorry to see him go. Favorite line? “Grab your clothes and get gone/Before them sprinklers come on.”
F#%K YOU—(Lilly Allen): Just listen to it. It is perhaps the politest way to tell someone you know F-You but then Lilly is from the U.K. and I know the stereotype that all people from the British Isles are more genteel verbally must be true or no one would have repeated it for so long. And for that comment, who wants to break up with me? You know I deserve it.